Bipolar Journey

Baker's breathing support was increased today. This morning they stopped providing breath support for Baker because his blood gas was great. This means the ventilator was still providing pressure to keep his lungs inflated, but Baker was doing all the breathing on his own. He was also getting very little oxygen (just above what you breathe in room air.) He's been rocking along since Tuesday evening, and finally got worn out from all the work of breathing on his own.

When we came in for his day time visit the ventilator was providing a few breaths, and I got really sad. His color didn't look right either. Baker started back sliding progressively throughout the day, needing more oxygen and more breath support. So now he's still not on as much support as he was getting Tuesday afternoon, but he's not getting his tube removed anytime soon. I wish I could describe the emotional journey… This morning when we got the news I couldn't be happier – I called all the Grand Parents to give them the news. I couldn't be happier; my boy was crushing this challenge. I was the proudest father on the planet.

Then the floor dropped from underneath my feet, and that old despair (oh yeah I remember you), came back for a brief moment. I talked to his nurse and she calmed me down. We then did his hands on, checked his temperature, changed the diaper(s) and he woke up and told me again that he was going to be just fine. His eyes (pictures to be posted tonight) are working together and he looked right at me and mom for a long time. I got to really look in his eyes and see the brightness that is my boy. All the despair washed away and again I'm bouncing off the walls happy. It is remarkable the progress that he's made. He breathed mostly on his own for almost 4 days straight and even though he was working harder he still gained weight (sometimes preemies will lose weight because they are working so hard to breathe). So even though he went back a little bit, we are still at a net gain.